There is a moment before you swim where you remember to breathe
Or not to
But the air breaks,
and momentarily we make a decision.

I found that the other day when i opened up my computer. I typed it before I passed out. I wish I knew what I was referring to; I'm sure I was having thoughts of drowning again. I keep tying this knots in the noose around my life and telling myself I'll be fine. I need to pick a side. I've been itching for days. I wish this were a metaphor for having some strong desire to do something but alas, it is not. I've just been itching. The skin on my torso, from the center all the way around my right side has been inflamed and irritated. I laid restless and paranoid for three nights as a result and had to constantly ice myself in public. It made me shaky, and nervous- at some point I was laying awake thinking of what could've bit me... what could've been currently biting me at that moment. I realize now it was not nature but a change of detergent causing me all of this stress. I'm happy it's not the dreaded bed-bugs. I hear those are expensive to deal with and always make people think you're dirty. I woke up this morning and took some Benadryl before a coffee date. Upon my arrival, she asked me what was wrong and I told her I was delirious. That has been our greeting the last 4 times I've seen her. I'm working on ceasing this cycle of delirium but working all of these late nights that turn into early mornings is making it tough. How do I get out?
[click to enlarge]
I collaged a few postcards tonight. This was the first- the hand written words repeatedly say "Isolation" with the definition of "isolated" in a box to the right. The typeface reads "You will need a killing bottle. Experienced [people] use cyanide, but this is a very dangerous poison. Beginners may use a jar in which a wad of cotton is dampened with carbon tetrachloride or ethyl acetate."
Science books from the 1950/60's are really my favorite things right now. This is from a chapter entitled "Collecting Things Outside" from The Book of Knowledge Book 18. I've watched 5 movies tonight (The War of the Roses, We Don't Live Here Anymore, XX/XY, She's the One and Reality Bites... only the first and the last were any good but isn't that always the case?) I pray something makes my eyelids heavy. Sleep. I miss you.

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