girl you look so sharp.

there is literally nothing better than pulling out your journal(s) from high school.

let it be me.

I've been wearing feathers in my hair a lot lately. When I lived in L.A. I found so many beautiful (pigeon) feathers all over the place and never really passed up the opportunity to pick them up. Once the wind began to hit them, placed firmly in my curls, I began to feel connected to the elements around me. As they have become my daily follicle accoutrement, I often am allowed to experience the feeling of the wind in my "wings" as I cruise on my bike to work.

I wonder what it's like to fly.

I believe that birds are amongst the luckiest creatures because they know. They travel freely, sing each other love songs, hunt, die, and create. And people still wonder why I love them so?


xx.

eat shit and live

the other night i fell over in a swimming pool the size suitable for 10 year olds after a friend of mine pulled my arm the wrong way. i twisted my knee. the next day made my hip, on the same leg, sore as though i'd fallen through a subway grate. today i fell off of my bike making a u-turn too catch a friend.
my other knee is throbbing; i am happy.

i think i think i think

I thought I was getting married. I can't help but think about him, and that, from time to time. I think about the 9 decks we dreamed up (and often about the fact that I still want them). I've been thinking about how unrealistic our commitment to each other was- We were lovers, friends and we grew quite a bit together. I like to believe we were wholeheartedly in love with the idea of being in love, but not with each other really... As much as I enjoyed our time together, and felt like we were evolving as a couple, I know we were enabling each other. Four months ago I envisioned 8 years from now I would be getting married to the boy I was dating.

And now it's July. I'm 23 and single in New York City and I can't help but wonder what the hell I was thinking. Love is a disillusioning monster. I moving tomorrow, and all I can't wait to do is close my bedroom door. I think people are about to see the shut-in side of me and I'm thrilled. I have really learned to appreciate privacy these days...

Ha.

they're actually a fruit

as usual, i woke up and my blank walls drove me out of bed, in an attempt to do something /anything about their drab appearance. somewhere between the shower and getting dressed, i decided to take myself on a date. manicure. pedicure. a few rounds at a beautiful wine and cheese bar. toiletry shopping. home.

late in the night
i get these cravings.

i'm creeping through photos of a friend of a friend that one of my friend's was hooking up with (get all that?). she's beautiful. her hair hits her waistline and her bangs are never frizzy. she seems perpetually happy. she appreciates the atlantic ocean, in all of it's hypodermic glory. she's foreign. at some point i looked at her and thought that i wanted that- those things, those attributes, the recipe for a beautiful woman. then i saw them.

her heirloom tomatoes. forget all the nonsense about femininity and charm and beauty! one look at those tomatoes and it was all over. they looked so healthy, satisfying, unusual and delicious. just there, along side her eggs. their beauty an overshadowed, understatement on the plate; but i knew. the versatility! i thought of sauces and salads- i thought about salting one and just biting in... i want to be as beautiful as those heirloom tomatoes.