i think i think i think

I thought I was getting married. I can't help but think about him, and that, from time to time. I think about the 9 decks we dreamed up (and often about the fact that I still want them). I've been thinking about how unrealistic our commitment to each other was- We were lovers, friends and we grew quite a bit together. I like to believe we were wholeheartedly in love with the idea of being in love, but not with each other really... As much as I enjoyed our time together, and felt like we were evolving as a couple, I know we were enabling each other. Four months ago I envisioned 8 years from now I would be getting married to the boy I was dating.

And now it's July. I'm 23 and single in New York City and I can't help but wonder what the hell I was thinking. Love is a disillusioning monster. I moving tomorrow, and all I can't wait to do is close my bedroom door. I think people are about to see the shut-in side of me and I'm thrilled. I have really learned to appreciate privacy these days...


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