I'm tired. I just spent so much time putting this account together, that now I need a nap.
I'm constantly distracted by something and focusing on nothing. I want to create things at all times, but I never seem to get off of my ass and do anything. I waste my days away sleeping. As for my nights, if I'm not having a drink with friends, I'm probably having a drink with myself thinking about my lack of company.
Nothing like pushing people away and then wondering why the phone stopped ringing. I do this to myself. But I am convinced that time spent alone is better than time spent with people you don't actually like.
Right?
I thought I was done writing, but I suppose I am not. I would like to talk about Eva. Just for a moment. I really like her. Unlike most other couples, they don't make me jealous or upset, just happy. I enjoy being around them because they work rather well together and give me a bit of... hope? Maybe that's what that emotion is.
[Edit]
Last night Scott had a birthday get-together. I had a few heart to hearts with the lady of the hour, as I usually do when we are together. He makes wonderful friend choices. He actually has friends. I am envious of this. I do have friends, fantastic, amazing friends, don't get me wrong (Duh, he's one of them). I just don't know where they are sometimes. I think I may be impossible to satisfy and this scares me a bit. I want people to call me because I'm lonely, but then I'm too lazy to go do anything with them. I want things to come to me. And actually, I don't think that this is an unreasonable request. I am going to be selfish. Being selfless didn't get me too far. It got me Alex, haha.
This year for my birthday, I want to have one of those types of gatherings. Except I feel like my friends don't / won't like each other. I feel like my friendships have always existed in these non-mingling 'groups' and that no one really knows my complete personality. Except for like 5 people. I guess those are the people I will invite. This year I will not just fill the room with characters.
Or maybe I'm full of shit.
[end of edit]
Though I do wonder what my match would (will) be like. I will certainly not be finding him on Craig's List, but this does remind me that I have not checked Missed Connections (my latest 'favorite thing') since I arrived home. Please excuse me for a moment.
Nothing too spicy. I enjoy reading missed connections. I used scan them in hopes of finding one about me. I can't say that I wouldn't mind finding one penned with me in mind, I find pleasure in observing how socially inept everyone in New York City seems to be. If you really wanted to say hi to the girl in pink with the aviators on the B-line this morning, why didn't you just say hi? Chances are, she'll return the gesture. Even if she doesn't- you won't go home dwelling on her.
I can guarantee there are more fish in this vast sea.
Just keep swimming. just keep swimming...
in closing- i miss this face:
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