these words have nothing to do with each other. or me.

Can't tell the difference between what I want
What I get and what I can have.


Shattered like glass, falling off that pedestal
Shouldn't have gotten so high in the first place
And I shouldn't have let you slip.
Broken dolls where is your mother-facturer?
Who made you out of shit?

Effervescent. Charming.
I'm so sorry you had to see me this way
I know you and what you're thinking
And I am a lot prettier with the plague.
I'll never have those consistently rose red
Inflamed lips. Allow me to fill your vacant eyes
there's a new vision out on the rise.


death is on a tangent
am i the only one listening?
speaking in tongues
and i can see her inside yours.
i'll peel those lids off like foreskin
you'll see me before it's too late


"don't smile
in the dark, it's the only way they'll see you"
that's what she told me and i didn't forget it.
but it was only me and a mirror in there
i think that's how i lost your necklace
and tumbled down the flight of spiraling steps.

27 seemed like a good amount at the time.

Now. Where was I?
The other night I died in my dream. I witnessed someone get shot with this futuristic dart gun. When assailant realized what I'd witnessed he suddenly appeared before me, and promptly shot me in the neck with a heavy dosage of morphine. I looked back at my mother, reached for her, gasped deeply and woke up instantly, lungs full of the same air.

This morning when someone in my dream described the shooting they'd witnessed in front of their building, I saw the ocean of blood they mentioned and the crashing crimson waves. It was really disturbing. There were children playing at the crime scene and birds sipping up the fluids. At the end of the dream, I was on the floor with my mother, crying and telling her that I loved her more than anything in the world. I woke up with wet cheeks.

They say the subconscious doesn't lie, and I believe that much. But why don't I ever know what the fuck it's saying to me?

What is going on?