"nicolas cage movies" is in my search bar.

My internet cut out when I originally wrote this post, in the wee hours of this morning.

I.
His speech was rehearsed, or at least he was used to saying it... repeatedly. His voice cracked and the words sort of groaned out of his mouth. He barely projected, but everyone on the train heard him. It was somewhere around the third time that he asked if anyone had any food, then stated that he was not ashamed to accept it- that I began to dig around for the pile of change I'd placed in my sweater pocket before leaving for the evening. I wished that I had had a slice of sweet potato pie to give to him when I heard the coins hit the cup. He asked God to bless me and moved on.

II.
Just before the train doors opened I saw him and couldn't help but let out a little chortle. An older white man dressed in his summer sailing whites, complete with the cap and shorts. When I boarded the car and looked at the swollen ankles of the seemingly cold passenger, I got that feeling I've had since moving back to NY: I'm so happy that I have somewhere to live. I may pass out from exhaustion on the train every-single-day, and there were those few times that spent all night sleeping on the L train and woke up in Canarsie, BUT I do not sleep there because I have to. And that's what matters most.

This year I was able to buy gifts for everyone for the first time in years. It's nice having a job and not having rent to pay. This money is definitely not disposable income, but it's the closest I've been to it in a long time.

It's 2:22 and all I ever wish for is love.

Josh and Juan came to Christmas. I was so thrilled to have to ability to welcome friends to a family event, knowing that they would be completely comfortable. Well, entertained- at the least (Mom, naturally takes care of this). My mother is the center of all gatherings- Me being an apple only overshadowed by her tree. I drank. I ate. I proved that I have poor hand-eye coordination and a flat voice during a really fun Rockband session. Wii/Xbox360 are making us a family that plays together. I hear that those stay together.

xX.