I've always had a strong desire to communicate my thoughts with other people. The cramps in my fingers tell me that this still holds true. Twitter lets me "talk" for the sake of talking, regardless of whether or not anyone is listening. I refresh in hopes of a response. I've been experiencing shooting pains in my left arm and tension in my right wrist; I'm talking through my fingertips too much and I need to shut up.

The song I was just listening to, by Panda Bear was called Taking Pills and sounded like water. I miss the ocean. I'm "loving" all of the songs on Devendra Banhart radio on my Last.fm My job used the wrong account number on my direct deposit, so I was not paid. Somewhere between anger and tears my co-workers managed to cheer me up just by being in the room. I really love the people I work with. We went out to a far overdue Holiday Party-funded dinner at Naple's 45 tonight. It was an order-what-you'd like dinner and it was delectable.

I really wish they hadn't screwed up my check; I was going to buy myself a bed.

I recently broke up with (I'm using the term loosely, as we were never an actual "together" to really "break-up") someone that made me dizzy in the brain and weak in the knees. I've known him for sometime; we briefly dated last winter, around the same time we rekindled this winter. Although I love a good swoon as much as the next girl, I could no longer ignore the core of all of "our" (read: my) problems: He's in his me-zone right now. However, I could not be more thankful for meeting someone so... interested in their personal success. Not to say that he was/is self centered in the least- this is certainly not the case. He was just at the top of his list. After a secondary attempt to gain the number one position on his prioritized agenda- I realized the problem:

I need to be number one on MY list. Only when I am number one to myself, will I be worthy of the position on anyone else's list. When he played a show last week, I did not attend, as I had work at 7:30 A.M. the following day. I stepped into his shoes. If the tables were turned, he would've apologized for his absence and went to bed on time. You should learn from every dating endeavor you pursue. This, the me-zone, was my lesson.

I want to be disconnected for a while. I want my fingers to feel limber again. It's time to settle into these bones once and for all. They don't seem to be going anywhere. I need to be able to answer the question, "What's new?" with an anecdote that doesn't involve 3 dudes, disappointment and my job.


1 comment:

  1. Me too. Don't you just love being asked "what's new?". Hey someday when we our lives are together enough to leave the house without feeling guilty (read: warm weather time), want to take whatever bus will take us closest to Coney Island, hope it's a long and sunny ride, and brown bag it on the way?